Danger on the Platypus Archipelago
(story told by SZ correspondent Dr. Parker)
. . . It was nearly midnight when the two brave, intrepid acquisitioners landed their small boat on Avocado Island – the southernmost island in the famed Platypus Archipelago. It was a moonless night, and the two had almost missed seeing the island completely. But just before the vessel was about to crash onto the black-sand beach, a small lamp was lit on shore. The acquisitioners screamed. “Oh no!” cried Karl. V shut off the engine and grabbed an oar, hoping to use it to slow their speed by dragging it against the now-shallow ocean bottom.
It helped, but the impact against the shore was still strong. It threw them off their feet (and Karl fell completely out of the boat, into the soggy sand). There was a great tearing sound as well, which, as they would discover in the morning, was the newly-sealed hole in the boat’s hull re-opening against a jagged rock.
“Karl, are you okay?!” V said. “I can’t see anything!”
“I’m fine, just a little sandy. Are you alright?”
“Yes, just confused. How could we miss an entire island? And what is that one small light?”
Heroically (and somewhat foolishly) the stuffed animal experts ventured toward the light on foot, leaving all of their gear on the boat. “It’s not going anywhere,” Karl reasoned. “We wouldn’t be able to use our stuffocators properly without our eyesight anyway.”
The two walked carefully on the beach, toward the faint light that may have just recently saved them from a much more dangerous crash. As they approached, they heard some rustling, then a faint snicker.
“Shh!” V whispered. They froze in their tracks and listened. The noises were coming from near the light source. Then they saw movement – a creature stirring next to the faint light. The cautiously approached. The creature sniffed, then jerked its head around to face Karl and V. The acquisitioners froze in their tracks.
“Otto” the creature said, pointing at Karl. “Otto. Otto!”
V whispered to Karl, terrified. “Say something.”
“Karl,” Karl said. “Karl. No Otto. My name is Karl.”
“Otto! Otto!” The creature furiously pointed and hissed. “Step on no pets! Step on no pets!”
“It’s speaking in palindromes,” V said. The creature adjusted itself, and as the light, which they discovered was a small beeswax candle, cast on its face, it became clear who it was.
“Grunty?” Karl asked. “Grunty the stuffed golden monkey? Is that you?”
“Bob,” Grunty said, pointing a finger to himself. “Bob! Go hang a salami I’m a lasagna hog!”
“Okay,” Karl said. Bob – where are we? Do you remember us? Can you tell us about the island?”
After a tension-filled pause, the stuffed monkey pointed at V and said, “V.”
“He remembers you,” Karl whispered to V.
“No he doesn’t,” she replied. “My name’s a palindrome, too. It’s just an easy one – a coincidence.”
“Oh,” Karl said. “Wait – you really spell your name with just a “v”?”
“Of course! How could you not know that? We’ve been working together for years! And how else do you spell ‘V’?”
The monkey interrupted their bickering with a shout:
“Yo banana boy! Yo banana boy! Stressed desserts! V!”
“He’s gone mad,” V whispered. Just then the monkey scurried away. Judging by the sound of rustling leaves, they knew he was up in the treetops over their heads.
“I don’t think this is a safe place to be,” Karl said. “What should we do?”
“Let’s just wait by this candle until daybreak,” V replied. “I don’t want to go any further, and this candle may just last long enough. . .”
. . . Next time: Daybreak on Avocado Island!
