Cutlass Crenshaw the Stuffed Monkey Pirate Attacks!
Hello everyone, this is V from the Stuffed Zoo. We have ourselves a little pirate situation… WAIT. Scratch that. Just received a text message from Jane.
“omg pirate set ur boat on fire”
Make that a big pirate problem. Here’s the deal:
We sent Jane over to the barbary coast a few days ago to supervise a recent shipment of animal party supplies, and just this morning I got a call from Jane saying she saw a boat with a Jolly Roger symbol rapidly approaching our shipment.
“Haha, very funny,” I said, “You can stop pretending now.”
“V, I mean it! Pirates! Up on their bird’s nest… I can just make it out. Looks like… a MONKEY?”
Luckily, she kept the phone on while the ship was boarded so I could hear what was going on. At first there was a lot of cannon fire and shouting, but once the noise died down, I heard a very piratey voice.
“Arrrrr!!! Settle down me maties! We’ve plenty o’ time fer plunder once we get this crew taken care of. Now who have we here? You be the Captainess?”
Jane sounded slightly confused. “No, but I am the owner of the cargo, and I’m ordering you to let us go in peace or I will get very upset.”
“Well shiver me timbers, a regular businesswoman!” There was a roar of laughter from the pirate crew. “We like strong women here, don’t we laddies?” More laughter. “We give them presents and we don’t steal their cargo, now do we, laddies?”
The crew let out a loud “ARRRRRRRRR!!!” which, with some confusion, turned into a half-hearted “Arrr…,” and finally one pirate asked: “We don’t?”
“No, ya impudent lubbers! We’s honorable pirates, we is. And also, who is it we don’t like more than anything in the world?”
The crew yelled at the top of their lungs: “CAPTAIN BLACK TAROT!!!”
“That’s right, and I ask ye ta look yonder past our black flag. What do ye see?”
There was a stomping of feet as pirate crew members started running. “The Black Tarot Flag!” They shouted. “To arms!”
The pirate captain leaned in closer and said to Jane, “A thousand pardons, miss, but we’re going to have to ask your cooperation, for Black Tarot’s ship outguns us by a large degree.”
“I’m not the captain,” Jane said, “You’ll have to go to the captain’s cabin to find him. And… correct me if I’m wrong, but aren’t you a stuffed monkey?”
“An observant one ye is. Aye, I’m Cutlass Crenshaw, scourge of the high seas, at your service. I am getting tired of all the human pirates having monkeys on their shoulders, and I’m about ready to get a little human to crawl around on my shoulders.
After that, Jane’s phone went dead, but I guess she had enough juice to send that text message about the burning boat. I’ll let you know what happens tomorrow.
Buy Cutlass Crenshaw the Stuffed Monkey Pirate Here!
