Stuffocator Plans Released to Public
Good morning, everyone. This is Finn from the Stuffed Zoo research and technology division. Due to a federal injunction, I have been forced to release the plans for my top-secret device, the Stuffocator, to the public. I believe that, far from wanting the technology to become available to everyone, the National Security Agency wants it to be dismissed as a hoax in an attempt to label me as a mad man instead of a mad scientist.
It makes sense if you think about it. Who, really, believes that there is a device which can transport individuals to and from the Stuffed Animal World, generate forcefields, synthesize food products, warp time and space, and play Beethoven’s Für Elise using its on-board keypad? The NSA doesn’t need to shut down my operation; all they have to do is make sure no one believes me. Surely, I’m doomed to obscurity.
But, wait! Listen. If any of you out there reading this message yet believe that the power of Stuffed Animal love is real–if any of you have read the non-fiction book, The Velveteen Rabbit, or remember how real your stuffed animal friends seemed to you as a child, I beg you to keep an open mind. Write to your congressional representative and suggest that we force Washington to get these NSA operatives off my back, and beg him or her to listen to the Stuffed Animal Rights Lobbyists who are consistently, systematically, ignored.
Thank you for your support. Here are the schematics:
