Acquistioner’s Entry 12: I Kill Karl (almost)
It’s no time to panic…but what should I do? Karl is nowhere to be seen. In fact, I can’t see anything except black shadows against a blacker background.
Going back for help is pointless, if I even knew which way was back. Going forward is equally pointless; Karl could be anywhere in this darkness. If I start pacing, my usual habit when I’m trying to figure something out, I’ll probably end up at the bottom of the gorge. That leaves only one option; I sit and wait for light.
Carefully I un-sling my stuffocator from my back. Then I take off my backpack and slowly sit down placing my stuffocator across my legs. Boredom mixed with fear is my only company while I wait through each excruciatingly long minute of this pre-dawn experience. Actually there is also the endless supply of insects which I rarely pay attention to. But with little else to occupy my brain their buzzing and crawling amplifies to a crushing annoyance.
To take my mind off the situation I reach into my pack and pull out one of Karl’s “special vegetarian sandwiches” that she introduced me to just hours ago. As I slowly eat the sandwich I realize that their unique flavor is growing on me. Who knows, at some point I might even like the things.
My mind wanders. I realize that since I’ve been on this job a lot of things have changed. First, I used to be a major carnivore. Barbeque was a particular favorite. Since meeting Karl I haven’t had any meat and I don’t seem to miss it.
Second, there is Karl. After my last breakup I didn’t want to do the relationship thing for a good, long time. In fact, a lot of the reason I took this job was to get me out of the dating circuit to find some time to recover. Who would have thought that Karl was…well, Karl? But I had to admit it, there was something going on in the old brain about Karl that was breaking through the protective walls.
As I sat puzzling over this self-revelation Patrick shows up in my lap. Karl must be close! “Patrick?”, I say wishing he could really talk, “Where’s Karl?”
I realize that light is slowly creeping into the jungle. It’s still just a hint but I can start to distinguish features. I look toward the gorge and the addition of light doesn’t help the memory of the log crossing.
I start to scan up from the base of the log. There are a few rocks and the trunks of some massive trees. I see vines hanging down close to the ground. All the time it’s getting lighter, like the world is coming in focus…and then I see it.
Ten feet in front of me is a huge Slider snake half coiled. Based on the exposed half it must be close to 20 feet long. A foot from the head of the Slider snake is Karl. She is absolutely motionless. My heart jumps. Is she dead?
Then I notice that she is sweating profusely. Her eyes flash briefly my direction.
Smoothly and quietly I place my hands on the stuffocator grips. I can feel it surge to life as it identifies my hand patterns. I shift my position to aim at the Slider cleanly without affecting Karl. Bringing the stuffocator into position it computes the exact coordinates, compensates for the Slider’s size and starts the strange process of stuffocation.
One snake becomes 2 snakes. The second snake stretches toward the mouth of the stuffocator and just as it clears the mouth the 2 snakes collapse into 1 snake again with the strange forward jolt of the stuffocator.
| Karl collapses.
Patrick and I rush over to her side. The next thing I detect is some soft laughter that’s building in strength. |
 |
| Magic link to Slider at the StuffedZoo.com |
I’m confused and a little indignant. Here I just save her life and she’s laughing at me!
“What’s so funny?” I ask with exasperation.
“I’m sorry.” Karl says trying unsuccessfully to get a hold of herself. “Don’t you see…It’s the whole thing…Happiness at still being alive.” more giggles. “Thinking about what was going through your mind when you couldn’t find me…Your first real stuffocation being a success…The sight of you and Patrick rushing over to me. It just fills me with joy and happiness; all I can do is laugh!” Then she throws both her arms around my neck, gives me a big kiss and her killer smile and says, “Thanks!”
I start to feel light headed too. I tell myself its relief but I know there’s something more.
